


This Chat Was A Mistake, Just Like Arlo

by americanaaa



Category: unOrdinary (Webcomic)
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Arlo is French, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Awkward Flirting, Bad Flirting, Chatting & Messaging, Crack Flirting, Crack Relationships, Crack Treated Seriously, Drunk Texting, Everyone Needs Therapy Probably, Gen, Isen has a sister whos kinda mentioned, John Has Issues, Memes, Not Canon Compliant, UnOrdinary needs more content yall im just delivering, Underage Drinking, cause yeah thats my personal headcanon fite me on this, chat fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2019-11-05 00:55:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17908961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/americanaaa/pseuds/americanaaa
Summary: ❝ *CALID. ❞Arlo doesn't deserved to be attacked like this. It's all Remi's fault.Or: In which Elaine's choking on orange juice.





	1. whomst

**Author's Note:**

> Username guide: 
> 
> Arlo  
> Blyke: bro  
> Elaine: Blue berry  
> Isen: Pens  
> John  
> Remi  
> Seraphina: Sera
> 
>  
> 
> ___________________________________

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arlo has many regrets, this tops all of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ummmmm, hi? Im Jane and originally from Wattpad and since it's gone to shit here I decided to pull my Mom and migrate over here. 
> 
>  
> 
> Now idk how to put this lightly but I'm moving a lot of chapters, and since Im still trying to figure out the formats of writing on AO3, I might be a little slow, but comments help me focus better bc im a bitch for validation ;)

 

 

 

_*Remi started a group chat*_

 

 

_ *Remi added: Arlo, Blyke, Seraphina, Isen, Elaine.* _

 

 

 

 

Remi: !!! Im making a Royals gc so we can keep up with each other

 

 

Remi: And I added Seraphina and Isen so they could liven it up

 

 

Remi: (｡•ᴗ-)✧

 

 

Elaine: Remi,

 

 

Elaine: Remi you innocent soul,

 

 

Elaine: You have _no_ idea what you've done.

 

 

Remi: ??? What have I done??

 

 

 

_*Isen changed their name to Pens*_

 

 

 

Pens: yEeeeeEEEEEEEEAH BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOI

 

 

Blyke: brO

 

 

Pens: bR _O_

 

 

Blyke: _BRO_

 

 

Pens: **B R** O

 

 

Blyke: b r O

 

 

Elaine: ^^Exhibit A

 

 

_*Elaine named the chat: This Chat Was a Mistake, Just Like Arlo*_

 

 

 

Seraphina: i swear on my disowned sister i will march into the boy's dorm and freeze your fingers into place if i hear another "bro" out of any of you two

 

 

Seraphina: also good one, elaine

 

 

Elaine: Thanks, I try.

 

 

 

_*Blyke changed their name to bro*_

 

 

Elaine: Exhibit B ^^

 

 

Seraphina: anyways

 

 

Seraphina: ....

 

 

Seraphina:

 

 

Seraphina: i'm giving you a two minute head start blyke

 

 

bro: Worth it, though :'D

 

 

Pens: rip blyke. you were the straw to my berry,

 

 

Pens: the bruh to my bro

 

 

Seraphina: prepare to die as well isen

 

 

bro: I cherished our friendship, dude

 

 

Remi: (╥﹏╥)

 

 

Remi: Seraphina please

 

 

Remi: I know they're idiots but just let this one slide?

 

 

Remi: Please?

 

 

Seraphina: you make a compelling argument

 

 

Seraphina: however im not thoroughly swayed,

 

 

Remi: Arlo pls help me out

 

 

Arlo: ...

 

 

 

_*Arlo left the group chat*_

 

 

 

Remi: Rip, Blyke.

 

bro: hhhhHhhHHHHHH

 

 

Elaine: I gotchu

 

 

Remi: Thanks !!

 

 

Elaine: First of all, Seraphina, please allow the two crack heads that go by the names of Blyke and Isen to escape your wrath this one (1) time so that you may have a head start of whatever you plan to do to them, for the next time you're gonna beat them up

 

 

Elaine: second of all,

 

 

_*Elaine changed their name to Blue berry*_

 

 

Blue berry: third of all.

 

 

_*Blue berry added: Arlo, to the chat*_

 

 

Blue berry: you're not leaving this so easily-

 

 

Arlo: Whomst the heck are you?

 

 

Pens: whomst are you referring to.

 

 

Arlo: Them.

 

 

Pens: whomst?

 

 

Arlo: _THEM_.

 

 

Seraphina: w h O M S T ??

 

 

Arlo: You know what, nevermind.

 

 

Seraphina: that's calid

 

 

Seraphina: wAIT

 

 

Seraphina: a mOMENT

 

 

Seraphina: i diSNT MEANS THST-

 

 

Pens: calid

 

 

bro: dj calid

 

 

Blue berry: _anotha one_

 

 

Seraphina: i mEANT TO SAY VALID

 

 

Seraphina: stOP MAKING FUN OF MY TYPO YOU INCELS-

 

 

_*Remi changed Seraphina's nickname to Calid*_

 

 

Pens: LMAO

 

 

Blue berry: rip

 

 

bro: we have gathered here on this holy day to commemorate the loss of Seraphina

 

 

Arlo: ...Thursday?

 

 

Pens: hush it, Arlo. You're ruining the moment.

 

 

Blue berry: Remi,,, we have taught you well, young grasshopper,

 

 

Remi:     ('｡• ᵕ •｡') ♡

 

 

Calid: _Fuck_ _Y'all_

 

 

_*Calid changed their nickname to Sera*_

 

 

Sera: how heck can you change my name remi?????

 

 

Remi: Admin privileges

 

 

Sera: you see, i was gonna be mad and livid

 

 

Sera: but it's remi

 

 

Blue berry: Calid

 

 

Pens: calid

 

 

bro: Calid

 

 

Sera: gajsjBDNASKJDJSNDFGF I WILL PUT THE FEAR OF goD-

 

 

Arlo: ....

 

 

Arlo: Y'all still haven't answered my question.

 

 

bro:

 

 

bro: LMAOOOOO

 

 

bro: Arlo saying y'all? CONFIRMED CANON

 

 

Pens: I can't believe the king of our school, the one who makes seniors shit their pants upon eye contact....

 

 

Pens: says  y a l l

 

 

Sera: y'all got a problem with it???

 

 

bro: shi-

 

 

bro: I meaN,

 

 

Pens: No I don't have a problem with it, has anyone told you you look lovely today? I think you look gorgeous and you're also fucking terrifying pls don't kill me

 

 

Sera: dw i wont. also thank 

 

 

Sera: oh, i almost forgot

 

 

Arlo: Seraphina? Forgetting something?

 

 

bro: the apocalypse is near

 

 

Sera: mkay if you give me shit for this i will personally ensure your life will be hell

 

 

Pens: the ominous-mess of that makes me scared

 

 

Pens: and wet

 

 

Pens: but mostly scared

 

 

bro: .....

 

 

Blue berry: ¿ n a n i ?

 

 

Pens: OhshIT THAt aCTuaLLY SENt!?!!?!?

 

 

bro: bruh I'm kinkshaming

 

 

Blue berry: Blyke, DONT

 

 

Blue berry: He's PROBABLY INTO THAT OR SOMETHING.

 

 

bro: OHSHIT U RITE

 

 

bro: I retract my previous statement about kinkshaming

 

 

Pens: asdFGHJKL

 

 

Pens: AFTER ALL THESE YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP YOU DO THIS TO ME

 

 

Pens: AND ALSO FUCK YOU BLYKE

 

 

bro: name a time and place ;)

 

 

Blue berry: Holy snick snack, that's gay as heck, Blyke.

 

 

bro: ,,,,

 

 

bro: that's the _point_

 

 

Pens:

 

 

Pens: iM-

 

 

_*Sera added: John to the group chat*_

 

 

Blue berry: hOLY GUACAMOLE, yOU???

 

 

John: whomst the fuck are you??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope yall enjoy!!
> 
> Ta ta lovelies~
> 
> -Jane


	2. does winona is clout thirsty?? | CONSPIRACY PART ONE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pobresito Arlo, he's still being attacked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Name guide: 
> 
> Remi  
> Blyke: bro  
> Isen: Pens  
> Arlo  
> Seraphina: Sera  
> Elaine: Blue berry  
> John  
> ________________________________

 

 

 

Arlo _:_ what the fuck

 

John: oh, it's you

 

Arlo: I would say I'm surprised, but my mother raised me better than to lie

  
bro: ???

 

bro: John and Arlo??? Know each other??

 

Blue berry: Uh, blyke, that's OLD news

 

Sera: i wasn't informed of this-

 

Remi: As much as I like meeting new people

 

Remi: I think it'll be better if we don't add anymore people

 

Blue berry: yeah

 

Blue berry: Especially that blue-haired fuck that hangs around Arlo all the time

 

John: Do you mean: _Elaine_?

 

Arlo: Seraphina, get your bitch

 

John: Sera, get your ex-bitch

 

Sera: no

 

Pens: uHm

 

Pens: Id say whomst the fuck do you think you are

 

Pens: But id rather not get into this

 

Blue berry:

 

Blue berry: _**I'm**_ Elaine,

 

John: 

 

John: Oh

 

bro: I'm Blyke, and pens is Isen,,,

 

John: Oh

 

Blue berry: what I _MEANT to say_ , is that one guy with the blue hair that's always hanging around Arlo because he's in the top 10

 

Arlo: I think I know who you're referring to

 

Arlo: but I don't know or remember his name, so.

 

Pens: Rip, blue hair fuck boi

 

bro: [Tragic](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1JNyLZlJs-yGl_mAEuxxDsAVEm6dABGIi/view?usp=drivesdk)

 

 

Remi: Arlo, why are you so bad with names

 

 

Arlo: No I'm not?

 

Remi: you've called me Remix before

 

Isen: Lmao try Ice Pick

 

Sera: dang, i was sapphire or saphira for a bit

 

Sera: im 98% sure the chick who's always hanging off your arm and constantly flirting w/you is called winona

 

Blue berry: ^^

 

Remi: ^^^

 

bro: wait what

 

Arlo: Who's Winona?

 

 

Sera: did i fucking stutter ??

 

Pens: wait a moment-

 

Pens: Arlo has girls hanging off of him??

 

Pens: When??

 

bro: how??

 

Pens: Why??

 

John: That's what I wonder every time I see his blonde, fake ass too

 

Sera: winona's that magenta haired bubble-fuck whos clout thirsty

 

Remi: I feel inclined to disagree because it's rude to call people names

 

Remi: But in this case I'll make an exception and agree if you're talking about who I think you're talking about

 

bro: okay first of all, GA SP. REMI AGREES WITH SOMETHING SERAPHINA BITCHED ABOUT???

 

bro: second of all, "bubble fuck"?

 

Sera: agshakbdndjdj

 

John: It's the name me and Sera came up with

 

John: bc her ability lets her makeanti-gravity bubbles that can engulf shit and make it float for a period of time

 

Sera: Again: bubble-fuck

 

John: And yeah she is clout thirsty. I think she's like a mid tier so she's extra dangerous

 

Blue berry: oh Yeah!!

 

Blue berry: She's also infamous among the girl bc rumors say she

 

Blue berry: _ahem_

 

 

Blue berry: _Had relations_ with a teacher over the span of a week to get her grades up

 

Remi: Actually!!

 

Remi: it turns out it wasn't the teacher, but the teach's child and then after exam week was over, she dumped him

 

Blue berry: you know this how??

 

Remi: She wanted me to use my Queen status and great reputation to help her in her quest to clear up her name and dissolve the rumors. But it seems that the business contract that had that written down and forgotten all about that. Whoops, silly me

 

Arlo: Cold blooded

 

bro: I think! I know! Who you're! Talking about!

 

bro: Isen, remember that one perfect who literally gave a referral to Seraphina for cussing

 

Pens: !!!

 

Pens: DIDNT SERA LIKE, RECRUIT SOMEONE TO GET REVENGE THO??

 

John: She didn't actually recruit anyone

 

John: but yeah, that's Winona

 

John: So basically she blackmailed a girl who shared Winona's PE class, took her gym clothes, and then had that girl give them to another, undisclosed person who then threw them in the pool

 

Arlo: And you know this, how?

 

John: That's confidential.

 

Pens: If I'm picking up correctly, does that mean that a certain cripple that attends Wellston actually pranked Winona

 

John: Mayhaps

 

bro: I don't even like you, but not all heroes wear capes

 

John: I dislike 90% of you guys here, and especially you blyke, but thanks

 

bro:  [Fuck u](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1l69zmQIbWGaSMzmPNUWl9mOE84hD6cfl/view?usp=drivesdk)

  
bro: But also, np

 

 

 

 

 

_**\--** _

 

 

 

 

_[7:45AM]_

 

 

 

 

Arlo: Shit, I know who y'all are talking about.

 

bro: I'm curious as to how-?

 

 

Arlo: I'm walking into the school and headed towards the roof when bubble-fuck appeared and started trying to talk to me.

 

Arlo: And she is indeed hanging off my arms.

 

bro: rip

 

Blue berry: Rip

 

Remi: Rest in pieces

 

John: I severely despise you, but I honestly feel so bad for you. no one should go through that

 

John: So rip

 

Sera: ^^^

 

Pens: send F for respect and prayers

 

Blue berry: F

 

Remi: F

 

bro: F

 

Sera: f

 

John: f

 

Arlo: Thanks.

 

Arlo: Also can I spam the f key for myself?

 

Arlo: I wanna go commit die now.

 

bro: what happened???

 

Arlo: I passed bubble-fuck's classroom and she said goodbye and then kissed my cheek.

 

Blue berry: EWEWEWWWEWEWW

 

Remi: I am

 

Remi: disgusted

 

bro: EVEN REMI MEMED, OH MY SERAPHINA

 

bro: ALSO YIKES ARLO. IM SORRY YOU HAD TO GO THROUGH THAT

 

Blue berry: ???

 

Blue berry: "Oh my Seraphina??"

 

bro: get it?? cause Seraphina's a god-tier and basically a god??

 

Remi: I accept that as a new saying

 

Sera: valid

 

John: ^^

 

Pens: ^^

 

Blue berry: ^^^

 

Arlo: I went in the bathroom to check my cheek and oh my goodness. It's a fucking green-blue kiss mark thAT ISNT COMING OFF WHY WONT IT COME OFF.

 

bro: R I P

 

Remi: oh, mood

 

Blue berry: Rip

 

Remi: But, Rip

 

Sera: rip

 

John: Id hate to say this

 

John: But since I hate Winona more,

 

John: RIP

 

Sera: wait a moment,

 

Sera: arlo, is it matte or liquid???

 

Arlo: What?

 

Sera: the lipstick you idiot

 

Sera: is it matte or liquid??

 

Arlo: Why the fuck should I know?

 

Sera: Is it dried down and feel like a layer of you skin??

 

Arlo: Yeah? I think so?

 

Sera: makes sense

 

Blue berry: oh yeah!!!

 

Remi: Doesn't Winona like those weird colored lipsticks that she keeps frequently retouching???

 

bro: I'd hate to say this

 

bro: But I'm so confusion, America explain

 

Remi: Winona's lips touched Arlo's cheek with wet matte lips. And matte lipstick doesn't come off easily once it dries

 

Sera: im sending John with some coconut oil and chapstick

 

Pens: Why the hell do you have coconut oil??

 

Sera: that's to remain a secret, whoosh

 

Arlo: Oh thank my maman.

 

Arlo: Holy shit it's coming off.

 

John: You better love me for this

 

John: I'm in a bathroom with Arlo and there's literally no one else you could've sent??

 

Sera: no, i haven't blackmailed anyone in weeks. and don't worry, ily 💕💞💞💕

 

 

 

 

John: Are you okay?? You haven't blackmailed anyone in weeeks???💘

 

Blue berry: ahdhajhsh. That actually so cute??

 

bro: My power couple right there

 

Remi: Isn't John a cripple, though?

 

bro: Oh honey,

 

Remi: ???

 

bro: WAit,,,, u dun kno??

 

Remi: Know what???

 

bro: well,,,,

 

bro: He has a fucking six pack and he's ripped as fuck. and keeps me up at night training and has a punching bag in his room that looks like it's a breeze away from unhinging from its nail

 

John: EISKSYEISETGS. WHY YOU GOTTA EXPOSE ME LIKE THAT.

 

Pens: Holy shit

 

Blue berry: iM

 

Remi: Oh yeah !!!

 

Remi: He did smack me that one time and it left swelled and bruised so much that doc needed to give me three glasses of that healing juice and a thing of ice so yeah

 

Sera: I'm sorry, _w h a t_

 

bro: hsjahdhsxu

 

Pens: Oh shit

 

John: I said I was sorry!!

 

Blue berry: No you didn't

 

John: YeS I DID

 

Blue berry: No, you didn't

 

John: YES I DID YOU BLUEBERRY SMURF REJECT

 

Remi: No, you actually did not

 

John: YES I DID YOU SHITTY COTTON CANDY FUCKER LOOKING ASS

 

Remi: I'm literally the person you hit.

 

John: oh

 

Sera:

 

Sera: .....

 

Sera: John we're gonna need to have a talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ________________________________
> 
> Inserting images is gonna kill me from stress i sWEAR. Also yeah the closest i could get is links to google drive so oof. 
> 
> Also i uhhh, have to get blood drawn today and guess who has a phobia of needles :'3c 
> 
>  
> 
> Oh well, im gonna die some day anyway!! 
> 
>  
> 
> Ps: This was originally written in like, Nov. 2018, so I now know Blue haired boi's named Holden. 
> 
>  
> 
> Ta ta lovelies~
> 
> -Jane


	3. - the Good Shit™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Name guide: 
> 
> Remi  
> Blyke: bro  
> Isen: Pens  
> Arlo  
> Seraphina: Sera  
> Elaine: Blue berry  
> John  
> ____________________________________

bro: okay but like,

 

bro: conspiracy time

 

bro: does Arlo is gay??

 

bro: and what if like, Arlo and John are secretly in love or smth?

 

bro: and like everything is just sexual tension

bro: like,,,

 

bro: they hate each other

 

bro: but they also fuck each other

 

Blue berry: What the heckie gave you that idea????

 

bro:  they sure spent a lot of time together alone in the bathroom yesterday

 

Pens: ...

 

Pens: bro

 

Pens: Blyke, my best bro,

 

Pens: my best friend,

 

Pens: My partner in crime,

 

  
Pens: What kind of stuff are you on??

 

bro: idk, duude

 

bro: vut its tha Good Shit™

 

Remi: I told you to stop talking about regular things like they're drugs :/

 

bro:

 

bro: ...

 

bro: it's slep deprivaatiobs ™

 

bro: my eyets ate burngni™

 

bro: i havenf slaptin 3 dats

 

bro: I've eatsn soOo mych sugsr ™

 

Remi: I don't think that's healthy, blyke..

 

bro: im lixinh on monster energy drink adn starbsjcb fro rn

 

Pens: I don't know if I'm more concerned that you haven't slept in 3 days.

 

Blue berry: You two can actually _read_ that???

 

Pens: Or the fact that you've only spelled Monster energy drink right out of all that

 

Pens: Or the fact that after your conspiracy theory you fucked all the spelling.

 

Pens: or also because you're using the trademarked symbol too much

 

bro: alll kf thst, i guesd. ™

 

bro: aslo, auto corrext dose wPNDERS

 

Remi ** _:_** Well I'm concerned about you going to sleep because we have a project tomorrow and I can't give you guys my notes

 

Pens: It's three in the morning, what are you doing, Blyke???

 

bro: _**black is the color of emptiness,,, i feel it in my soul cause i'm an emotional mess,,,,,,**_

 

Remi: Isen...

 

bro: it'll kill you until you die dead,,,

 

Pens: Blyke, I'm on my way, pls don't do anything stupid.

 

bro: no prominess

 

Remi: Isen pls hurry

 

bro: _now you wish you hadn't listened to Green_

   
Remi: My blyke's-doing-something-stupid sense is tingling

 

Pens: I'n running as faddt as I cans

 

bro: _jA_ U N DI C E ! ! !

 

 

 

 

 

\--

 

 

 

 

 

_ [5:53AM] _

 

 

 

 

 

Arlo: What is that god awful noise

 

Blue berry: Idk i just woke up

 

Sera: same, and it's not coming from the girl's dorm

 

Arlo: I'm pretty sure it's coming from Blyke's room because I remember explosions coming from there earlier this year...

 

Remi: Wait, isn't John now room mates with Blyke??

 

Sera: wait what

 

Blue berry: !!!

 

Blue berry: I remember overhearing it!! Gel haired weirdo IS his roommate.

 

John: I'm trying to sleep, you fucks-

 

Remi: Sorry!!

 

John: Stfu

 

Arlo: What the fuck did you just say to Remi?

 

Blue berry: you can insult us

 

Arlo: But Remi is off limits.

 

Sera: id hate to agree with Arlo-

 

Arlo: The feeling's mutual.

 

Sera: but they do have a point. remi is un-insult-able

 

John: Fine then

 

John: *you fucks, _and_ Remi _and_ Sera

 

Remi:   ✧(｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

 

Remi: thanks you guys !!

 

Remi: Okay, now that that's cleared, we need to know something, John

 

John: Hit me with it

 

Remi: What is that freaking noise reverberating through the halls and dorms from the boys dorm???????

 

Sera: yeah john. enlighten us please

 

John: Oh, that

 

John: Blyke hooked up a microphone to an aux and is playing the recorder to _Running in the 90s_ and he somehow managed to convince that orange haired fuck to do a duet with him w/a kazoo

 

Remi: I

 

Sera: im-

 

Arlo: Holy shit

 

Remi: I am _s h o o k e t h_ to the _c o r_

 

Blue berry: How did they even get, let alone sneak, _ALL of that_ into campus???

 

 

 

John: Beats the fuck outta me

 

John: Now if you excuse me, I haven't gotten a wink of sleep for 22 hours and I have to smush my head between two pillows and put in ear plugs just so I can block out their terrible duets

 

Sera: wait a moment,

 

Sera: _duets_

 

Sera: as in

 

Sera: theyve done _more_

 

John: Yeah

 

Sera: omf

 

John: they've done snippets but seem to be really into Running in the 90s and hell bent on finishing it.

 

John: I've heard; _Despacito_ , the alphabet song, _Every time we touch_ , and _Touch my body_

 

Blue berry: IM CHOKING

 

John: I think there was some Spice Girls in there as well...

 

Remi: I...

 

John: and others were just musical note mash that I couldn't decipher

 

Sera: asgshskkslskskksjsks

 

John: now since I've enlightened you guys, I'm going to go to sleep and hope the recording device doesn't run out of battery by the time those idiots are done

 

Remi: Oh poor you!!

 

Blue berry: Oh just take my money already. I want a copy of those recordings

 

John: 50$

 

Blue berry: 20

 

John: 60

 

Blue berry: 35 and I'll give you a week of my ability, no questions asked and I'll make it priority healing

 

John: deal

 

 

Arlo:

 

Arlo: What just happened?

 

John: Discreet business transaction

 

Arlo: Well then.

 

Remi: I'm just gonna pretend I didn't see that-

 

Blue berry: Yeah I think that's the best course of action

 

 

 

 

**_\--_ **

 

 

 

_ [6:16AM] _

 

 

 

 

 

John: F U C K

 

John: NO

 

John: NONONONONONONO

 

Sera: what???

 

John: THEYRE _DOING A FREE FOR ALL REMIX VERSION OF TOXIC_

 

Sera ** _:_** like britney spears toxic??

 

John: _OH MY SERA, I CAN FEEL THE HEADACHE ALREADY_

 

John: And yeah, that Toxic

 

Sera: you better show me the original tapes tomorrow because, oh my me, I wanna hear that

 

Blue berry: All we can hear is some muffled grating noise and random sharp squeaks

 

Remi: ^^

 

Remi: _B u t !!!_

 

Remi: We all have to go to sleep. It's Tuesday tomorrow and I still have a lot of things to catch up on

 

Remi: And I can't imagine how cranky you guys are when you haven't gotten enough sleep

 

Remi: So if the girls need ear plugs or headphones to drown out the sound, I have some extra, I think.

 

Remi: Although I only have one extra pair of headphones so yikes!!

 

 

Blue berry: Remi you   _a n g e l_

 

Arlo: Do you think I could stop by and pick some up??

 

Sera: lmao, it's too late and plus no boys in the girls dormitory after 10pm without a chaperone

 

Arlo: Ohshit, you rite.

 

Arlo: Cripple?

 

Arlo: Fuck, he's offline.

 

Arlo: Well then, rip, me.

 

Arlo: I'm going to die by shitty recorder and kazoo duets by people I know.

 

Arlo: I'm sorry, maman, for being such a dick.

 

Arlo: Actually, no that's wrong-

 

Arlo: I'm sorry for not being as big as a dick as I could've been.

 

Sera:

 

Sera: you're priorities are more twisted than that one tree that ate my bike when I was 5

 

Arlo: Wait, what.

 

Sera: i'll tell y'all about it in the morning, buh-bye y'all. gotta get some beauty sleep

 

Arlo: Yeah, you definitely need it. And I'll be expecting that story .

 

Sera:

 

Sera: bitch please

 

Blue berry: Arlo, please go to sleep. I don't want a roast war between you two that lasts until frick o' clock

 

Blue berry: That goes for you too, Sera

 

Arlo: Alright.

 

Arlo: Fine, I guess.

 

Sera: okay _mom_

 

Blue berry: :///

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have an assessment due tomorrow otherwise I'm getting kicked out of my course. Instead of going to Google Docs and being a productive person, I'm posting this. 
> 
>  
> 
> Oh well. Its like 86% done anyway 
> 
>  
> 
> Blyke's sugar high, sleep deprived rambling came from this:
> 
> https://youtu.be/9VH8lvZ-Z1g
> 
>  
> 
> Ta ta lovelies~
> 
> -Jane


	4. - arlo has mommy issues, who knew?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not French, I do not in any way mean to perpetuate stereotypes, this is loosely based off of my own experiences as a Hispanic child, so uhhhh cultural differences?¿?
> 
> If you are french and have any critiques, please feel free to voice them as I am a Dumb Ass and have no idea about french culture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Name guide: 
> 
> Remi  
> Blyke: bro  
> Isen: Pens  
> Arlo  
> Seraphina: Sera  
> Elaine: Blue berry  
> John

 

 

Remi: I wonder where Blyke is ://

Blue berry: I share a class with Isen and Blyke, and neither were in class

John: Yeah me too. But they're probably getting in trouble for all the noise they caused yesterday

Remi: :///

Sera: oh yeah i was sent to the office again and i saw Vaughn there talking to them and they looked really shameful

Remi: Wait, why were you in the office in the first place?

Sera: some thotty spilled orange juice on my shirt and i had to wait until someone showed up with a spare

Remi: did you....?

Sera: beat the bitch up??

Sera: unfortunately no.

Remi: Oh. Boo

Sera: im currently on strike 47 and once i hit 60 headmaster vaughn's gonna talk to my mom about putting me in summer school and behavior therapy

John: ....

Remi: I'm speechless

John: Holy shit

Blue berry: ^^^!!!

bro: the fact that Vaughn's giving you so many strikes. He'd kick my ass out after 4, dang

Arlo: Wow, that's almost kinda sad.

Arlo: And as much as I'm not interested in focusing on Seraphina's behavioral problems-

Arlo: I'd indeed like to hear about that one tree that ate your bike when you were 5.

Remi: Oh yeah !!

Blue berry: I'm curious too

Blue berry: Terrified

Blue berry: but curious

John: As much as I'd dislike agreeing with them, I am too

Sera: ,,,

Sera: okay so like-

Sera: my mom got me a mountain bike when i was 5 and one day,,,

Sera: i got a saddle sore because id been riding my bike for about 9 hours straight bc i didn't want to go home, pretty much just to piss off my mom

John: holy shit

Sera: and so when i went to prop it against a tree so it wouldn't fall,,,

Sera: thats when my ability decided to manifest itself for the first time and knocked me out cold because it aged the tree a couple of years

Sera: and so the tree grew around my bike, warping around it and trapping it in bark

Remi: oh my

Sera: and so the first thing i saw when i woke up other my mom crying about me being gone for 28 hours, was that my bike got eaten by a tree

Sera: so i said, " _awww, looks like you're gonna have to buy me another bike, mother_ "

Remi: SHDHAsDHDJDJSKJDHD??

Blue berry: Holy heck. 5 year old Seraphina was also a savage

Sera: my mom slapped me but it was worth the expression she made

Arlo: I'm speechless.

Remi: I mean, my mom would've slapped me too

Blue berry: Same

John: Same, if I had a mom

Blue berry: ....

Blue berry: Oof

Arlo: Uh, are your parents basic or smth?

John:

John: how dare-

Arlo: Because my maman would've smacked my palms and soles with a fly swatter until it turned red and then swat the back of my neck and send me to our Quiet Room.

John: Why was it called the quiet room

Sera: yeah, it sounds kinky

Blue berry: I'm-

Arlo: IT WAS CALLED THE QUIET ROOM BECAUSE IT WAS AN EMPTY ROOM WITH A TABLE DRILLED TO THE GROUND AND ONE BED AND NO WINDOWS AND ID STAY IN THERE UNTIL 12AM

Arlo: AND THEN MY TIME OUT WOULD BE OVER AND MY MOM WOULD SEND ME STRAIGHT TO MY ROOM

Arlo: AND DEPENDING ON THE SEVERITY OF WHAT I DID, SOMETIMES ID GET NO DINNER, AND OTHERS ID JUST GET A BOWL OF BLAND PASTA

John:

John: Suddenly, things start making sense

Sera: ^^

Blue berry: ^^

Remi: It all makes so much sense now.

Arlo: My maman wasn't so bad

Arlo: I mean, she's still my mother

John: Wait a moment,

John: I thought maman was like your nickname for your dad or something????????

Sera: wait, what

Arlo: My maman is French, you douche-baguette.

John:

John: I-

Remi: IM CRYING

Blue berry: _I JUST SPAT OUT MY ORANGE JUICE_

Sera: im shooketh

Sera: John, you know i love you and all

Sera: and no offense but

Sera: [oOF](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1U_U_WpGBM3nEV_E2ilkjlRxfU_XBFKaF/view?usp=drivesdk)

John:  ( •̀ᗝ•́)

John: Offense taken!!

Arlo: I actually started taking French classes because my mom wants to take me to France one day and instead I did this:

Arlo: [jE maPpeLLE](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1_EBmf-q5etuSGP335tUP6YJuClflrtmV/view?usp=drivesdk)

 

Remi: My eyes have been blesst, thank you

Blue berry: ^^^!!

Sera: ^

John: ^^

John: as much as I hated doing that

John: It's the truth. And now no offense taken

John: As much of a shit person Arlo is, that's some damn great meme material right there

Sera: ^^

Arlo: I-

Arlo: ,,,,,,

Arlo:

Arlo:

Arlo: tHankS?? ??

Arlo: ????????????????

Blue berry: I think we broke Arlo....

Remi: Oops

Sera: Whoops

John: gOOD

 

 

\--

_ [4:23PM] _

 

 

 

Pens: So we're back

bro: and we got 5 days of in-school suspension

Blue berry: And you're allowed your phone's because???

Pens: The ISS teacher's pretty chill and she's on her phone so

bro: Aren't you gonna ask why we got in school suspension?

Remi: Scroll up

bro: JOHN

bro: I SWEAR TO SERAPHINA THAT IF YOU LET ANYONE ELSE LISTEN TO THOSE TAPES OR DISTRIBUTE THEM I WILL SET FIRE TO YOU AND YOUR FUCKING GELED HAIR

Sera: touch a hair on his head and i will show you the wrath of a god-tier and i won't ducking hold back you piece of utter scum

Pens: On second thought,

Pens: How about we discuss what other issues Arlo's mom might've caused him

Arlo: How about we don't.

John: How about we do

Arlo: no.

Sera: As much as I know Isen's deflecting from the current topic, I'm curious as to what else happened to Arlo

Arlo: You don't wanna know.

Blue berry: Yeah we do

bro: ^^

Arlo: **_The person you are trying to call is currently unavailable at the moment-_**

Blue berry: Oh my Seraphina-

Arlo: **_Please leave a message at the beep._**

Arlo: **_BEEEEEP_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credits of the Je Mapelle meme to one of my bffs ;3c 
> 
> So like, if y'all're wondering if this is based on true, IRL events, u bet ur DAMN bottom most of it is.
> 
> Uhhh prom's tomorrow, so wish me luck ig. (Fact about me: I go to a tiny school, like tiny.) 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Ta ta lovelies~ 
> 
> -Jane


	5. - nani the FUCK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blyke has a bit of a hoarding problem, and its isnt what you think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Name guide: 
> 
> Blyke: bro
> 
> Elaine: Blue Berry
> 
> Remi
> 
> Seraphina: Sera
> 
> ________________________________

 

 

 

bro: hey, do you guys know how to properly dispose of 500 glow sticks??

 

bro: I'm asking for a friend

 

Sera: ,,,,,,

 

Sera: i have _SO_ many questions,,,

 

Remi: How did you even _**GET**_ , let alone _**FIND**_ someone to give you 500 glow sticks?!

 

bro: You see...

 

bro: You just gotta ask the right people??

 

bro: I'm pretty sure it's where Sera got organic coconut oil from

 

Sera: makes sense

 

Sera: ...

 

Sera: wait a mOMENT-

 

Sera: HIW DID YOU KNOW IT WAS ORGANIC-

 

bro: that is to remain a secret, whoosh

 

Sera: yOU CANT USE MY WORDS AGAINST ME YOU CRACK HEAD

 

bro: yes I cans~

 

Sera: hIW DO YOU EVEN KNOW KALISA

 

bro: I dated her sister

 

Sera: ...   ok thats valid

 

bro: * _calid_

 

Sera: EHEYETASGS

 

Sera: IT WAS //ONE// TIME-

 

bro: That's what she said.

 

Blue berry: ,,,

 

Blue berry: _Nani the fuck_ did I just walk in on-

 

Remi: >~<

 

Remi: idk

 

bro: so am I right?? Kalisa's your oil dealer??

 

Sera: ... perhaps.....

 

Remi: Why do you even need coconut oil??

 

Sera: its a long story

 

Blue berry: We got time

 

Remi: ^^

 

bro: ^^

 

Sera: aaaahgfsah. fine

 

Remi: Yay!

 

Sera: so like

 

Sera: my lips are super duper sensitive and i need like super ultra soothing chapstick that has like 5 different types of oils in them, but unfortunately because of this one chick having a severe allergic reaction to coconut shavings twenty years ago, wellston banned coconut products and now i have to rely on using burt's bees chapstick every, like 4 hours otherwise my lips dry up and crack and bleed and it HURTS

 

Blue berry: Holy-

 

Sera: the only thing that really works for eight hours is organic coconut oil so after some blackmailing and intimidation, i managed to put in a request for some and every month a new girl comes to being me my coconut oil

 

bro: wait what

 

bro: KALISA GIVES YOU COCONUT OIL EVERY MONTH???

 

Sera: yeah why ?

 

bro: IVE BEEN SAVING UP GLOW STICKS FOR 7 MONTHS IN ORDER TO GROW THEM THIS BIG AEYHDKSHFj

 

bro: AND A CERTAIN SOMEONE IS ONTO MY TAIL BC I KEEP MEETING UP WITH THE SAME GIRL ALTHOUGH SPORADICALLY, AND SHE GIVES ME BAGS AND BOXES

 

Sera: o h worm??who's your dealer??

 

bro: Ellie

 

Sera: the one with the grey hair or the one with the double ear piercings??

 

bro: it's the other one with the rainbow hair that's always wearing pastels

 

Sera: oh

 

Sera: she's dope

 

bro: Ikr??

 

Blue berry: Id hate to interrupt you two bonding over your dealers

 

Blue berry: but,,,

 

Blue berry: I'm curious as to why you would even _**NEED**_ 500 glow sticks

 

bro: Reasons, whoosh

 

Blue berry: That's not an answer

 

bro: whatever

 

Remi: And if you're asking us, does that mean that Vaughn's onto you or you want to erase the evidence from existence after you've done whatever "reasons, whoosh" is??

 

bro: Would you believe me if I said both???

 

Remi: If it was anyone else I'd say no

 

Blue berry: ^^

 

Sera: if you're found out, i had nothing to do with this and what's a kalisa?? sounds like a rad candy bar.

 

bro: calid

 

Sera: die

 

Sera: but yeah, don't burn them, or cut them open or pour them down the drain. you gotta throw away the whole thing in the trash dude

 

Blue berry: and _DO NOT_ eat them

 

Remi: ....

 

Remi: I'm sensing a story-

 

Blue berry: .....

 

Blue berry: maybe

 

bro: LMAO, WHATD YOU DO???

 

Blue berry: ...... I was 4

 

Sera: makes sense

 

Blue berry: ... and I wanted to know what glow sticks tasted like so I bit into one

 

Sera: yeah thats valid 

 

bro: calid

 

Sera: i hate you so fucking much i will kill you

 

bro: yeah thats calid

 

Sera: **i hate you**

 

Blue berry: it burned really bad, like it felt like I ate fire incarnated as a pepper. my ability wasn't helping so I told my mom to take me to the hospital and she didn't at first. And then I told her what I did and she called an ambulance. I had to get my stomach pumped but I came out of it relatively unscathed

 

Blue berry: Fun times

 

Sera: wow

 

Remi: im-

 

bro: I'm speechless

 

bro: And duly noted: do **NOT** eat the glow sticks

 

bro: agskaskaks. BRB, SOMEONES COMING AND I DONT HAVE ANYWHERE TO HIDE MY GLOW STICKS

 

Remi: Rip

 

Sera: rip

 

Blue berry: RIP

 

Remi: It was nice knowing you.

 

bro: AKSLAETASGSKS

 

Sera: here lies blyke, in loving memory of a glow stick hoarder. he was taken too soon

 

Sera: send f for respect,

 

Sera: f

 

Remi: F

 

Blue berry: F

 

bro: ty'all kindly im crying 

 

bro: now i can die happy

 

 

Remi: Blyke no ://

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk why but I must inform you that I accidentally wrote glow stick hoarder as "glow suck hoarder". I am not ashamed (can you tell my ginger bff sucked out my soul ://)
> 
>  
> 
> Also cut it off short and didnt include John, Arlo or Isen bc,,,,,, reasons,,, (im just lazy oof) 
> 
> Ta ta lovelies~
> 
> -Jane


	6. - we wanna commit deathspacito

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [john mulaney voice] woah what the fuck is this? 
> 
>  
> 
> Its been,,,, a long time. I apologize, although i did manage to finish the version posted on wattpad so yeah now i have a Calid cult that ghosts my every move :"))

 

 

 

 

 

 

Blue berry: hi, my name's Elaine and I wanna commit deathspacito

 

 

John: big mood

 

 

Remi: Hi my name's Remi and I want to jump off a cliff and kermit 

 

 

Arlo: Are you girls.... okay??

 

 

Sera: hi my name's seraphina and i wanna kashoot myself

 

 

 

John: Not you too, seraaaaaaaaaa!!

 

 

 

Arlo: What's wrong?

 

 

Remi: SO MANY THINGS ARE WRONG

 

 

Blue berry: EVERYTHINGS WRONG

 

 

 

Arlo: Care to elaborate??

 

 

Sera: hOLY SHIT MY ABIKITY WORE OFF

 

 

Sera: ITS MOVING

 

 

Sera: FUCK

 

 

Blue berry: SHIT

 

 

 

Remi: HECK

 

 

Blue berry: AHHHHSHEHAHSGHSHAHSHA

 

 

Blue berry: WHY IS IS SO FUCKING FASTS AStDEtwGADsKjLS

 

 

John: ???

 

 

Remi: GET IT OFF THE SOFA MY LAPTOP'S THERE AHEUUEWHHD

 

 

Sera: I CANTs ACTIVATE MY ABIKITY AGAIN

 

 

Sera: I CANT KEEPS MY HANDS STRAIGHT

 

 

Sera: THEY KEEPS SHAKINF AND FUKC

 

 

Arlo:

 

 

John:

 

 

Arlo: ....

 

 

John: ...

 

 

John: Imma just.... go offline for a bit and turn off my notifs-

 

 

Arlo: Great idea.

 

 

Arlo: Bye y'all.

 

 

Remi: SCREEJDHAKKSKSLAH

 

 

Remi: ISEN, COME GET YOUR TARANTULA BEFORE I ELECTROCUTE IT TO A CRISP

 

 

bro: how **DARE** -

 

 

Pens: R E M I ! HOW DARE YOU THREATEN MRS. SMILEY LIKE THAT!!

 

 

bro: You'll hurt her feelings, you monster

 

 

Sera: I'LL HURT MUCH MORE THAN HER FEELINGS IF YOU DONT GET YOU AND YOUR BRO'S ASS OVER HERE IN NEGATIVE 6 SECONDS

 

 

bro: ALRIGHT, I'm coming

 

 

Blue berry: Wait a moment.... where is _**IT**_???

 

 

Blue berry: HAJDJSJDHDKAJ. THE TARANTULA DISAPEARED JM HDJSJFB

 

 

John: How the hell did Blyke even get his hands on a tarantula????

 

 

Pens: Confidential business transactions

 

 

Arlo: ** _How the heck did Kalisa get her hands on a tarantula???_

 

 

Pens: Beats the fuck outta me

 

 

bro: It's better not to question her sources

 

 

Sera: iD AGREE IF THERE WASNT A FUCKING TARANTULA ON THE CIELIJG OF THW GURLS DORM BDHWJEHSJSJF

 

 

Sera: GET YOUR FUCKING SPIDER, BITCH

 

 

bro: it don't bite

 

 

Remi: YES IT DO

 

 

bro: oh yeah lmao, u rite

 

 

Remi: wH

 

 

Blue berry: WAIT WHAt tHE HECC, HOLD THE PHONE

 

 

Blue berry: IT BITES

 

 

bro: it's a tarantula. Of course it does.

 

 

 

Remi: That's it, I'm frying it

 

 

Pens: REMI DONT YOU DARE-

 

 

Remi: Remi yes I dare-

 

 

Pens: THAT TARANTULA COSTED 90$ AND WE'RE BROKE, PRESTIGIOUS HIGHSCHOOL ACADEMY KIDS-

 

 

Remi: ....

 

Remi: Just this once

 

 

Blue berry: We're evacuating our dorm room and going to the mall. By the time we're back there should be no tarantula or you two being creeps in our rooms

 

 

Sera: i will hit u 

 

 

bro: deal

 

 

Pens: Oh thank goodness. Mrs. Smiley is kinda hard to catch,,,

 

 

Remi: I-

 

 

 

Remi: Actually you know what no. Im leaving.

 

 

 

 

 

 --

 

 

_[3:42PM_ _]_

 

 

 

 

 

Remi: Hi, we're the Royals girls and we wanna commit Deathspacito™ a little less than we did twenty seconds ago.

 

 

 

Sera: id say mood, but i can let this one slide as valid 

 

 

Pens: *calid 

 

 

Sera: i will kill ur child 

 

 

Pens: I will make u perish

 

 

Sera: i look forward to seeing u try, bih

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh can you tell this is going to be a headcanon dump?? Well if you cant, I just spoiled like, the majority of this fic.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Ta ta lovelies~
> 
> -Jane


	7. - winona can go suck a banana™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arlo out-freaks a freaky gal via banana deepthroating. 
> 
>  
> 
> It sounds a lot worse when i phrase it like that, lmao.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Arlo: I'm so disgusted with myself.

 

 

 

Sera: i mean, im always disgusted w/you

 

 

 

John: ^^^

 

 

 

John: But I want to know what made the you uncomfortable so I have reference material in the future

 

 

 

Arlo: It's Winona. Again.

 

 

 

John: I retracted and regret my previous statement

 

 

 

Arlo: I'm traumatized

 

 

 

Sera: now this I wanna hear-

 

 

 

Arlo: No

 

 

 

Remi: Yes

 

 

 

Arlo: No

 

 

 

Pens: Ny e _ssssss_

 

 

 

Arlo: N o

 

 

 

bro: Y E S

 

 

 

Arlo: Damnit, fINE. Only because you guys are so fucking annoying and convincing

 

 

 

Remi: (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

 

 

 

Arlo: So

 

 

 

Arlo: Unfortunately I share a Home Ec class with bubble-fuck.

 

 

 

Blue berry: I'm late to the party, but I know this isn't gonna end well-

 

 

 

Arlo: And Winona's sitting in the lab in front of me.

 

 

 

Pens: Tragic

 

 

 

bro: ^^

 

 

 

Arlo: and then SHE GRABS A BANANA, DIPS IT IN MASH POTATOES, TURNS AROUND TO LOOK ME **RIGHT** IN THE EYE, AND SLOWLY LICKS IT AND THEN DIPS IT AGAIN ONLY TO START SUCKING THE MASH POTATOES OFF.

 

 

 

Remi: You Disgust Me

 

 

 

Sera: iM CHOKING THAT IS FUCKING ATGJAKDNNSKDJF

 

 

 

Blue berry: iM SCREECHING

 

 

 

bro: SAME

 

 

 

Pens: ASDFGHJKLTASGTAFS EWEWEWEWWWWEW

 

 

 

John: F

 

 

 

Remi: That..... was a visual.... I did not need to imagine

 

 

 

Sera: I AM, DIS G U _S T E_ D

 

 

 

Arlo: AND I REGRET DOING THIS SO MUCH, BUT IN RESPONSE I GRAB A BANANA THATS ON MY TABLES, SHOVE IT IN MY MOUTH, AND DEEP THROAT IT.

 

 

 

Remi: ,,!/'dbbss1b9akdhs6

 

 

 

Blue berry: Oh my Seraphina, Arlo!! You broke Remi!!

 

 

 

Sera: LMAO

 

 

 

John: I hate you too now

 

 

 

bro: nICENICENICE!!!

 

 

 

Pens: How the fuck can you deepthroat a banana in class and it not, like, break off and choke you???

 

 

 

Arlo: Beats me, unfortunately my partner, Winona's lab partner and bubble-fuck herself were the only ones who saw me, so thankfully I still have my pride and reputation intact.

 

 

 

Sera: Then why are you telling us???

 

 

 

Arlo: I refuse to be the only one traumatized

 

 

 

Pens: Calid

 

 

 

Sera: skdBDKAJSJEJE. LETS NOT GO THERE-

 

 

 

Pens: How bout I do, _a n y w_ a y~?

 

 

 

Arlo: Also my gag reflex is only half there, so the teacher thought my watery eyes were an allergic reaction and told me to step outside and take a breather.

 

 

 

Remi: So basically you went to Doc??

 

 

 

Arlo: Yep

 

 

 

Blue berry: Why are you even in class??? Don't you like brood all day up on the roof???

 

 

 

Arlo: I do _not_ brood

 

 

 

Arlo: Anyway mom and the Home Ec teacher are pretty close because the teacher's a chef and my mom used to work at a restaurant he owned and since gave him some really historically old French recipes, he and her are now friends and she co-owns his business and now they go to church every Sunday and cook together on holidays and he's basically my uncle now

 

 

 

Remi: Arlo translation- the teacher knows my mom and will tell her I haven't been going to class

 

 

 

Blue berry: Oh wowie

 

 

 

Pens: Tragic

 

 

 

Sera: wowza

 

 

 

bro: Yikes

 

 

 

Arlo: So yeah, now I hate myself and I can't get the taste of banana out of my mouth and it's been 20 minutes.

 

 

 

bro: Tragic

 

 

 

Pens: Rip

 

 

 

Sera: big sad

 

 

 

John: I'd say poor you, but you can go fuck yourself

 

 

 

Arlo: That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me I think I'm swooning.

 

 

 

John: h-

 

 

 

John: Stop being so fucking gay we're all straight here

 

 

 

Pens:

 

 

 

bro:

 

 

 

Pens: If you say no homo or you're either bros or frenemies then it's stray.

 

 

 

Sera: stray????

 

 

 

bro: Straight-gay

 

 

 

Remi: ..

 

 

 

Remi: ..i-

 

 

 

Remi: I choose these guys as my best friends and now I don't know what to do

 

 

 

Sera: tragic

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arlo's experience is half based on a story from 7th grade. 
> 
> One of my friends got caught deepthroating a jumbo sharpie, and then told us a story about how she //sensually// licked mash potatoes off a banana in front of this dude, and kept dipping it back into mash potatoes to lick it off. 
> 
>  
> 
> Man i had weird friends back in middle school. 
> 
>  
> 
> Ta ta lovelies~ 
> 
>  
> 
> -Jane


	8. - you can make a religion out of this.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uhhh some maybe sensitive content?? 
> 
> Idk if "whats the consent status on 'screw off'?" Is offensive to some people but just a warning bc i know some content is not peachy with some people so here's y'all's warning.

 

 

 

 

 

Pens: Okay but like, what if we made a cult where you could be so fucking raging gay that Ru paul throws up glitter, but it can still be completely "no homo bro" territory???

 

 

 

bro: I love that idea

 

 

 

Blue berry: Of course you'd love it, you're both probably bromosexual

 

 

 

Remi: HAKAKSJDKAKD, IS THIS IN RESPONSE OF GETTING CAUGHT

 

 

 

Remi: iM

 

 

 

Arlo: Wait what

 

 

 

Sera: wait what

 

 

 

bro: shSHSHHHSHHSHHHHH REMI DONT EXPOSE US PLS

 

 

 

Pens: You know that you look very lovely today Remi and that we both love you very much

 

 

 

Sera: i waNT TO KNOW

 

 

 

Remi: I'm sorry boys, Seraphina asked

 

 

 

bro: Id be offended, but it's calid

 

 

 

Pens: WAIT NO I STILL NEED MT DIGNITY

 

 

 

Blue berry: I'm,,,,,,very intrigued now,,,

 

 

 

Remi: So basically,,

 

 

 

Pens: REMI NO

 

 

 

Sera: REMI YES

 

 

 

Blue berry: REMI YES

 

 

 

Remi: The PE teacher and I caught them sliding across under the bleachers on a yoga mat, Isen posing titanic style while Blyke rubbed his nipples from behind

 

 

 

Pens: I TRUSTED YOU AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME AJDKALBFKAKDNDKD

 

 

 

Sera: hhhhhhH

 

 

 

Arlo: ....

 

 

 

Blue berry: I-

 

 

 

Blue berry: You're right Seraphina, no one's more homo then these two.

 

 

 

John: They're honestly so straight-gay that it makes me sick

 

 

 

bro: Go choke on a dick

 

 

 

 

John: Says the dude who was rubbing his bro's nipples

 

 

 

bro: I'm-

 

 

 

bro: ...

 

 

 

bro: ....

 

 

 

bro: HhhH

 

 

 

Pens: Valid

 

 

 

Blue berry: Smh, Isen a freak

 

 

 

Pens: IM NOT

 

 

 

Sera: you have so many kinks and did so much weird - _vaguely sexual_ \- stuff with blyke and honestly?? what a mood

 

 

 

bro: It's totally no homo tho???

 

 

 

Pens: ^^ YES THANK YOU, EXACTLY

 

 

 

John: _Blyke, at some point in his friendship with Isen_ : Damn, I need me a freak like that

 

 

 

Sera: SKAHTYJTKWLAJDJEK, YOUVE BEEN _E X P O S E D_

 

 

 

Arlo: I agree.

 

 

 

bro: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY OUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS IS STUCK ON BEING BROS AND ITS PURELY PLATONIC, NO COPY, NO PRINT, JUST FAX

 

 

 

Pens: I agree with Blyke. We're not gay, let alone for each other.

 

 

 

Sera: uhhhhhh

 

 

Blue berry: Sorry, I'm trying to see through all that BS, it takes a minute.

 

 

 

Remi: ASKDKSLFKFSKSKALAKSKS

 

 

 

Sera: LMAO

  
Pens: WERE TOTALLY STRAIGHT IN A NO HOMO WAY

Arlo: I highly doubt it.

bro: SKSKSKSK, LET US BE OVERLY STRAY WITH EACH OTHER OKAY

Remi: We would if there wasn't just so much damn sexual tension between you two

Pens: What sexual tension???

Blue berry: The sexual tension where you both lay on Remi's bed while I do her nails and you two just randomly start complimenting each other while staring into each other's eyes

 

 

bro: Just bro things tho,

 

 

Pens: ^^

 

 

Remi: "Dude you have the most beautiful eyes like if we could have a kid I'd want them to have yours."

 

 

 

Blue berry: "Bro, you have like, some great pecs"

 

 

 

Remi: "No homo but I'd lick whipped cream off your abs"

 

 

Pens: SHIT UP REMU

 

 

Sera: _Shit_ up.

 

 

 

Remi: _S h i t u p_ _R e m u_

 

 

  
John: _**Shit up**_

 

 

Pens: DONT COME AT MY TYPO LIKE LIKE YOU WANNA GO??

 

 

Sera: Gladly

 

 

Pens: I mean @ John

 

 

John: I'll pummel your ass into the ground

 

 

 

bro: Wtf you need consent for that

 

 

Sera: adhaJdkJAKDBSKSJSJKAHDHD

 

 

 

Pens: SMH AND YALL CALL ME THE FREAK

 

 

  
Blue berry: I INHALED-SNORTED ON ORANGE JUICE LIKE THE SEXY BEAST I AM AND IT BURNS, WHY ARE YOU GUYS LIKE THIS

 

 

Arlo: I don't know why I haven't left yet, this is such a headache.

 

 

 

 

Pens:

 

 

 

bro: Honestly you are a freak, smh what kind of other kinks do you have??

 

 

 

Remi: Wouldn't you like to know weather boy

 

 

 

Sera: its at times like this i forget remi's not a pure innocent bean, but holy shite did she just call you out @ bro

 

 

 

bro:

 

 

 

bro: Hi I wanna despaYEETo myself over the distance and into the void

 

 

 

Sera: worm

 

 

 

Remi: That's not denying the accusation

 

 

 

bro: HAHTRAFYAAGFJS-

 

 

 

Pens: tragic

 

 

 

bro: WHATS GONNA BE TRAGIC IS MY FIST SO FAR UP YOUR ASS THAT MY ABILITY WILL SHOOT BEAMS OUT OF YOUR MOUTH

 

 

 

Pens: What if I don't consent to that???

 

 

 

Sera: ANDKkndjSNJDKDOASB _YOU_ _**BET**_ _TER_ _**S**_ _T O P_

 

 

 

Remi: I have 99 problems and the idiot crackhead duo are probably 90 of them, tbh

 

 

 

Arlo: Damn Blyke, gotta respect that consent.

 

 

 

Pens: IM A HETEROSEXUAL MALE THANK YOU VERY MUCH

 

 

 

Sera: yeah so believable i say as i dont believe you at all.

 

 

 

Remi: I doubt it

 

 

 

Pens: IVE LITERALLY HAD PLENTY OF GIRLFRIENDS TYVM

 

 

 

bro: Huh, last time I checked 4 wasn't plenty, but go off ig

 

 

 

Arlo: I'm shocked that Blyke exposed Isen, oh my goodness this is amazing.

 

 

 

Remi: LMAO

 

 

 

Pens: i-

 

 

 

Pens: ...

 

 

bro: _Shit up_ Isen

 

 

 

bro: good heveans would you look at the time? 

 

bro: because _its time to stop_

 

 

 

John: Nah

 

 

 

Sera: Nah

 

 

 

Remi: Nah, this is too much fun

 

 

 

Arlo: I'd hate to agree with them but it's true.

 

 

 

Pens:

 

 

 

bro: All of you go suck a fucking toe and choke on it

 

 

 

Pens: Even me??

 

 

 

bro: Well, half go choke on a toe

 

 

 

Pens: Awe, that's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me

 

 

 

bro: Ik I guess

 

 

 

Pens: With that said,

 

 

 

Pens: The crackhead duo is taking their leave so you can shove it up your ass

 

 

 

Remi: I guess that doesn't require consent then,

 

 

 

Pens: WJHDOAJRKSJWJSJFJSKA-

 

 

 

Pens: Screw off

 

 

 

Remi: What's the consent status on "screw off"?

 

 

 

bro: We're leaving bye

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, a gay crack ship whore supreme: what if blysen was canon
> 
>  
> 
> Also me with an equally gay bih as my platonic soulmate: what if they were questionably stray??
> 
>  
> 
> Me to me: do it all, fam
> 
>  
> 
> Ta ta lovelies~  
> -jane


	9. - sky Daddy rain down on me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No, it is not a sex joke. 
> 
>  
> 
> But it could be. 
> 
>  
> 
> Sera kinkshames some of yall nasties

 

 

 

Blue berry: it's legit late October why is it so hot

 

 

Remi: IKR?

 

 

Sera: im two seconds from finding someone with an ice related ability and paying them to let me lay on them

 

 

bro: same

 

 

Blue berry: my parents called me about a minor tropical storm that's touching down on the orchard

 

 

Blue berry: and I was sweating while talking to them

 

 

Sera: hhhhhhghhhhnnghh, it's not fair

 

 

Remi: I'm so hot I've sweated enough water to mess up my electrical field

 

 

Remi: I can't sense anything

 

 

Remi: I hate it

 

 

Pens: hsgtseagslsks, sky daddy please rain down on me I'm hot as balls

 

 

Remi: ahsjakdbkajdjd, why did you say that??

 

 

Pens: That sounded so wrong

 

 

bro: Isen, you know I love you,

 

 

Pens: Yeah??? And??

 

 

bro: but sometimes,,, I just-

 

 

bro: how does your mind even think like that in this ungodly heat??

 

 

Pens: In mysterious ways, whoosh

 

 

bro: ...

 

 

bro: ok that calid

 

 

 

Sera: i will kill u

 

 

Sera: stop making fun of it

 

 

Sera: it was ONE time

 

 

 

Arlo: I'm laying in my dorm room with the AC on full blast and I just barely managed to cool down.

 

 

Arlo: Also, I checked a weather app and it's freaking 35 degrees outside oh my goodness maman I love you but I'm gonna just melt away from existence right here. rip me.

 

 

Remi: Rippity dippity

 

 

Sera: mood

 

 

John: Such a big mood, wow

 

 

Arlo: have I ever told you a secret??? John???

 

 

John: ..... No??

 

 

Arlo: Good, because I'm gonna tell you one right now; I hate you

 

 

John: g a s p

 

 

John: I'm w o U N D E D

 

 

John: P H Y S I C A L L Y  D A M A G E D 

 

 

John: But it's okay because I despise you too babe 💖❤️💗

 

 

Arlo: Feelings mutual 💖💕💞💘

 

 

John: Go suck a dick❤️

 

 

Arlo: Only if it's yours 💗❤️

 

 

Sera: I don't know what the fuck I'm looking at-

 

 

Blue berry: ^^^!!

 

 

Sera: but my gaydar is confusion

 

 

Blue berry: ^^^!!!!!

 

 

bro: I...

 

 

bro: I thought me and Isen were really close in sense of bromance and the "but no homo" vibe,,,,

 

 

bro: but  _bruh_

 

 

Pens: Wait, was everything we had no homo??

 

 

bro: Idk bro

 

 

Pens: So is it "all the homo" or "no homo", bro??

 

 

bro: Idfk, I can't even remember what I ate for breakfast three days ago

 

 

Pens: Holy shit same bro

 

 

Remi: hhhhhH

 

 

Remi: I'm friends with idiots

 

 

Blue berry: Same

 

 

Sera: id say mood if it wasn't so true, so same

 

 

 

 

\--

_[10:54PM ]_

 

 

 

Pens: fun game to play: play peek-a-boo with your future child and never reappear!!

 

 

Sera: my dad was good at this game

 

 

Pens: .....

 

 

John: F, so was my mom

 

 

Remi: f

 

Arlo: f

 

 

Blue berry: F

 

 

Pens: I-

 

 

Sera: lmao, don't say ur sorry. he left when i was real young so yeah

 

 

John: Huh, no wonder you have a daddy kink

 

 

Sera: aSDHDSKJD, J O H N

 

 

Arlo: Hey Siri, how do you delete a recent memory?

 

 

Sera: hajsHAJSHSJD, DONT COME AT ME LIKE THAT SHUT YOUR FACE HOLE

 

 

Sera: I DONT HAVE A DADDY KINK

 

 

Sera: thE DADDY KINK DISGUSTS ME TYVM,

 

 

Sera: LIKE EVERY KINK DISGUSTS ME

 

 

 

Pens: even bondage?

 

 

 

Sera: yep

 

 

bro: asphysxiation 

 

 

 

Sera: thats actually a _thing_?

 

 

 

Arlo: you'd be surprised. 

 

 

 

Sera: whatbthe fuck

 

 

 

Sera: how and why do you know 

 

 

 

Arlo: tweedle dee and dumb up there

 

 

 

Pens: Hey!!

 

 

 

John: I-

 

 

John: I was just joking but holy shit if you're so against it I'm probably right holy shit

 

 

 

Blue berry: OMFGNSKFNFND STOP MAKING ME CHOKE ON MY ORANGE JUICE ANDJJSJDBFNZB

 

 

John: Shit up Elaine.

 

 

Blue berry: ID BE MAD IF YOU WERRNT RIPPING BLYKE'S TYPO OFF, BUT SHIT THE FREAK UP TOO JOHN

 

 

John: Why do you even have so much orange juice, like that shit's expensive

 

 

Blue berry: I make my own whenever my parents send me them from our orchards

 

 

John: Valid

 

 

Blue berry: anyway

 

 

Blue berry: WHY DO YOU HAVE A DADDY KINK SERAPHINA??

 

 

Blue berry: OUT OF ALL THE VALID KINKS,,,

 

 

Sera: stoP COMING AT MY DADDY ISSUES LIKE THAT ASJSKDHAJJDDJ

 

 

Pens: That's not denying it~

 

 

Sera: oH STFU, YOU HAVE SOME FREAKY ASS KINKS AND I CANT _ALLEGEDLY_ HAVE A DADDY KINK

 

 

Pens: I'd say that's fair but I don't have a kink

 

 

Remi: I'm pretty sure Blyke can prove otherwise

 

 

bro: _The person you are trying to reach has not have a voice mail set up yet, please try leaving a message after the beep. Beep._

 

Pens: HELSTTAIEHAK, YOU GUYS ARE STILL BELIEVIJG WE HAVE A THING FOR EACH OTHER WHY

 

 

Pens: ALSO BRO WHY DO YOU GOTTA MAKE EERYTHIJG LOOK MORE SUSPICIOUS I HAVE SO MUCH FUCKING DIRT ID BREAK THE BRO CODE TO SPILL

 

 

bro: Don't you fucking dare.

 

 

Arlo: Honestly why

 

 

Blue berry: I ask myself that every day

 

 

Pens: MAYBE I WONT IF YOU FUCKING PROTECC YOUR BRO FROM THIS GAY SHIT THEYRE ACCUSING US OF,

 

 

Remi: Me and the gym teacher literally caught you two under the bleachers

 

 

Pens: WE WERE JUST HAVING FUN ASBAKHDJAKDJD

 

 

Remi: With blyke rubbing your chest?? sURE JAN

 

 

Pens: AHDJKABDN, ITS CALLED SELF LOVE, SUSAN

 

 

Arlo: _Fuck off Janet I'm not going to your fucking baby shower._

 

 

Pens: WHY AM I JANET ALL OF A SUDDEN,

 

 

Remi: Idk, why am I Susan??

 

 

Pens: ...that's fair

 

 

bro: Wait what baby shower???

 

 

Pens: That's literally all you have to say about this entire situation????

 

 

bro: .... yeah?

 

 

Pens: Smh

 

 

Arlo: I honestly think that sometimes you two are like, too fruity with each other to be straight, and then Remi walks in and it's a different story,

 

 

bro: Why the fuckie did you expose us like that

 

 

Pens: I thought we were friends Arlo. I did horrible- and probably illegal- things for you just for your own benefit

 

 

Arlo: I appreciate it, then

 

 

Pens: That's not even a proper thank you, wow

 

 

Remi: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

 

Remi: I already knew???? That you two??? Liked me???

 

 

Pens: HAIHSJSJBDSJJDBF CODE RED

 

 

bro: HI IM JUST GONNA GO OFF A CLIFF REAL QUICK OKAY THANK

 

 

Pens: BDJAJDBRJ, TAKE ME WITH YOU

 

 

bro: THIS RAVINE IS ONLY MEANT FOR ONE PERSON DUDE

 

 

Pens: HOW DID YOU VENE KNO rEMIBDBEB WHAJHDBSJDBDJDBBRVRVRWHHS

 

 

 

\--

 

_[11:09PM ]_

 

 

 

 

Blue berry: What the heck did I just come back to, and translation please

 

 

Remi: The crack head duo found out that I found out that they liked me and Isen is asking "how did you even know" and the rest is just [incoherent screeching here]

 

 

Blue berry: Makes sense

 

 

Remi: And the answer to your question is that you two are so obvious and in no way vague and I appreciate the semantics but I have homework to finish so good night and don't forget to take your extension out before you sleep, Seraphina (๑•◡•๑)

 

 

Sera: duly noted

 

Sera: night then. im clocking in early, and i do not have a daddy kink tyvm, i prefer my dad to stay as far away from me as possible

 

 

Pens: I'll just,,,,, scream myself,,,, to sleep,,,,,,

 

 

Blue berry: I listen to death metal to help me sleep!! You should try it if nothing else

 

 

bro: What wait,

 

 

bro: you listen to DEATH METAL????

 

 

Blue berry: Ofc

 

 

 

Blue berry: <https://youtu.be/s1XGpWDOsOs>

 

 

 

John: That explains so much oh my Sera-

 

 

Blue berry: ??????

 

 

Pens: I'd hate to agree with John but holy-?

 

 

Blue berry: Well, I'm going to sleep!! Night you guys!!

 

 

John: ....I guess I'll go to bed 

 

 

bro: I'm just gonna,,, stay up all night,,, drowning myself in takis in hopes it makes me forget this pain of betrayal from remi

 

 

Pens: Can I join u??

 

 

bro: Ofc

 

 

Blue berry: Ha, gay

 

 

Arlo: I actually have things to do so I guess I'll say goodnight to y'all and turn my notifications off so y'all know I don't want to be fucked with for the time being.

 

 

Pens: Calid

 

 

Pens: Also I'm bringing some Mountain Dew and the Conjuring

 

 

bro: Perfect,

 

 

bro: Well nighty night losers were having a Bro Night where we DONT do anything homo and just stay up all night eating like shit and waking up feeling awful.

 

 

John: Hey that actually sounds like a great idea @ sera.

 

 

Sera: if u shut then maybe. go to sleep

 

 

bro: Night you guys

 

 

Pens: buenos nachos

 

 

Arlo: Night y'all

 

 

Blue berry: Good night!!

 

 

John: night

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When i say *insert number* degrees I am referring to Celsius. 
> 
> (Mostly bc its near universal measurement and we dont know what country the unO-verse is in.) 
> 
>  
> 
> Also as a floridian, i can confirm that i can and will sweat into mid-December. The Cold is forever my enemy. You ppl who enjoy the cold are HEATHENS
> 
>  
> 
> Ta ta lovelies~  
> -Jane


	10. -delete yourself || This Chat Is Greater Than Wellston, Just Like Rein

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So!! Every 10 chapters I decided to do a special edition, with other minor characters!! Specifically, Agwin's roost!!

 

 

 

 

_* Broven has started a group chat*_

* _Broven has added Gou and Rein_ *

 

 

 

 

Broven: welcome to: let's talk shit about Arlo and wellston peeps

 

 

Rein: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh why am I here

 

 

Gou: Are you in our roost??

 

 

Rein: But I just got here?

 

 

Rein: Wait, if I'm here, where's what's his name,

 

 

Rein: The healer dude

 

 

Gou: Wasn't it like Carter or something??

 

 

Broven: Hold up, lemme go through me contacts, he probably in there somewhere.

 

 

Rein: Rip, healer dude you will be missed

 

 

* _Broven added Elian to the group_ *

 

 

 

Elian: Oh wow I feel so special that you guys forgot I existed for a moment <3

 

 

Elian: And my name is NOT Carter tyvm

 

 

Rein: Don't @ me

 

 

Elian: that's fair

 

 

Gou: Yeah but like dude, I had to get a new phone because i forgot i left my old one in my back pocket when I went against that ginger fuck from Wellston that's probably Goku or something

 

 

Elian: That's valid

 

 

 

Broven: I'm the one who added you

 

 

Elian: Yeah but I've literally been on the roost for freaking ever and you guys add the new bitch before you add me? Where's the logic tho

 

 

Rein: I'd say don't call me a bitch but I know Broven's already planning revenge

 

 

Broven: I will literally make sure you want to delete yourself, fucking Arlo looking fake blond ass

 

 

Elian: Speaking of Arlo,

 

 

Elian: I'm more offended because you dared compare me to him. I mean I always want to die but how dare you say I look like him, you pony-tail fucker.

 

 

Elian: He may be a fucking god tier, but he's a god-tier pain in the fucking ass like can you get him to unsubscribe from life??

 

 

Broven: That's actually the most valid thing you've said so far wow

 

 

Elian: thank I try

 

 

Elian: but fuck off

 

 

Elian: also

 

 

 

 

* _Elian has changed their name to: Not Arlo_ *

 

 

 

 

Not Arlo: fukc you

 

 

Broven: Omf you're still offended by that, I'm????

 

 

Not Arlo: What if I called you the discounted, rejected, watered down version of Wellston's ace??? hmmmMMMM??

 

 

Broven: At least Seraphina can kick Arlo's ass.

 

 

Rein: Before we devolve into hysterics with you two trying to kill each other electronically,

 

 

Rein: I'm thinking about changing my screen name bc Rein's boring. But I'm uncreative as hell so, _ancestors above so help me_ , will you guys help?

 

 

Broven: ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS ASK I HAVE AN ENTIRE LIST

 

 

Gou: YEAH THEN HOW ABOUT WE ALL CHANGE OUR SCREEN NAMES!!

 

 

Broven: GREAT IDEA GOU!!

 

 

Rein: I regret this already

 

 

Rein: I regret so many things

 

 

Rein: But _this_ , i regret the most

 

 

Not Arlo: same.

 

 

Broven: I ALREADY GOT MINE BUT WE SHOULD HELP REIN BEFORE WE ALL CHANGE IT SO ITS LIKE, IN SYNC CAUSE SQUAD GOALS AMIRTIE??

 

 

Broven: So how about DD??

 

 

Rein: Fuck you, no

 

 

Broven: Name a time and place ;))

 

 

Rein: U know what I meant, you scoundrel

 

 

Gou: Silver, Hit Girl, Paralyzer??

 

 

Rein: What are those even??

 

 

Gou: Silver bc your hair, Hit girl bc you can probably kick all of our asses plus one, and Paralyzer bc 1) you can paralyze ppl with your beauty, and 2) I'm pretty sure you can paralyze us in general.

 

 

Rein: Eh, none of those really stick outto me even though they're all probably true. Sorry

 

 

Not Arlo: Rain? Battleground?? Prude??

 

 

Rein: Oh wow the first one's so creative. Also screw off im not a prude.

 

 

Not Arlo: R u sure??? Cause like, I lost count of how many guys asked you out including Broven and Gou

 

 

Gou: Piss off you Arlo-looking fuck

 

 

Not Arlo: take one (1) look at my screen name you piece of rejected shit

 

 

Rein: Honestly why do I even try anymore

 

 

Gou: Foxy?? Vixen?? Slim-thick shady?Thicc??

 

 

Rein: Elian do you have any suggestions

 

 

Not Arlo: wh-

 

 

Rein: _please_

 

 

Not Arlo: uhhh mamacita? 

 

 

Not Arlo: i mean, i heard one of my hispanic friends say it was a term of endearment for a pretty girl

 

 

Not Arlo: or smth

 

 

 

 

* _Rein has changed their name to: Mamacita_ *

 

 

 

 

Mamacita: i like it :)

 

 

Gou: It suits you.

 

 

 

* _Broven has changed their name to: brUUUH_ *

 

* _Gou has changed their name to: Holy fuckles, here comes knuckles_ *

 

 

 

 

 

Mamacita: Really???

 

 

Holy fuckles, here comes knuckles: well fuck u too then

 

 

 

 

* _Holy fuckles here comes knuckles changed their name to: Muscles_ *

 

 

 

 

Not Arlo: *spams the Fuck Go Back button*

 

 

Mamacita: No I prefer muscles over holy fuckles.

 

 

brUUUH: Where's the "delete yourself" button??

 

 

Muscles: Oh fuck off you haters, Rein likes it!!

 

 

Mamacita: No only I said I prefer it over your previous one.

 

 

brUUUH: OOOOOOOHHHHH!! YOU JUST GOT R OA S T E D

 

 

Muscles: I bet they don't hate on Blyke in the Wellston chat

 

 

Muscles: ( ͡° ʖ̯ ͡°)

 

 

Mamacita: 1) Never use a sad Lenny face. 2) They roast Blyke so much in their wellston chat that I got a second-hand burn from it.

 

 

Not Arlo: Wait how do you know???? HAVE YOU BEEN CHEATING ON US WITH WELLSTON AND A MOLE FOR THE OPPOSITION???

 

 

Mamacita: No you idiot I'm friends with Elaine and Remi.

 

 

brUUUH: Your friends with who and who??

 

 

Mamacita: The blue haired healer and the pink haired Queen from Wellston. They're pretty chill peeps and we have our own gc because turf wars can get pretty heavy with testosterone

 

 

Mamacita: I mean you're basically just measuring dick sizes and the guy with the most BDE gets his school in the top spot.

 

 

brUUUH: I mean, ur not wrong. But back into the girls gc you have??

 

 

Mamacita: Anyway, Remi and Elaine usually complain about how their Jack and his best friends may or may not be gay for each other but literally no one knows because they have that _"Hey brochacho i'd succ you off but no homo"_ kinda vibe you feel my drift??

 

 

Muscles: Kinda yeah. but continue

 

 

Mamacita: There's really nothing else to say other than wellston's Jack has a pretty interesting best bro-friend

 

 

Not Arlo: Interesting as in how??

 

 

Mamacita: Like Elaine suspects the friend has like a wax play fetish or smth. And Remi is close to confirming he has a daddy kink.

 

 

Muscles: How do you unsubscribe from life?? I did not need to see those words strung in a sentence.

 

 

Mamacita: You think I had a choice either???

 

 

Not Arlo: I feel for you

 

 

Mamacita: Yeah but other than that Remi's now screaming about how the Ace and Healer are walking around her dorm room half naked with the AC blowing

 

 

Muscles: Wait thwhwyayr???

 

 

Not Arlo: That's.... an interesting image....

 

 

brUUUH: Hmm, why don't you ever do that Rein??

 

 

Mamacita: Because I have self respect and it's negative degrees out

 

 

Not Arlo: That's fair

 

 

brUUUH: So what are you guys up to rn??? I'm bored

 

 

Mamacita: I'm watching Shitty Flute covers on YouTube because Elaine sent them to me

 

 

Not Arlo: I'm watching Eurovision in reverse order youngest-oldest videos and rn I'm on that one song the epic sax guy from Moldova's in.

 

 

Muscles: I'm not even going to ask

 

 

Muscles: But yeah I'm just scrolling through insta while my ramen's in the microwave.

 

 

brUUUH: That's..... nice Elian..... and also that reminds me, I can't cook for shit, so take out's coming in ten minutes and you guys can stop by for some.

 

 

Mamacita: How much did you order and where the heck did you get the money for it??

 

 

brUUUH: I think I ordered enough for like a fifth person to join, and also my dad gave me a credit card finally so he can suck it if he wants to complain about those 164$ and tax missing from his bank account.

 

 

Not Arlo: Omf, Broven. Not all heroes wear capes. You being generous is my religion.

 

 

Mamacita: Yeah I'm down for take out, I just gotta get a hair tie and a different shirt and I'll be over.

 

 

Muscles: Same

 

 

Mamacita: Aren't you gonna eat your ramen noodles???

 

 

Muscles: Do you know how much a teenage boy can eat???

 

 

Mamacita: I retract my previous statement.

 

 

Mamacita: Anyway scratch that I gotta put some things on first.

 

 

Not Arlo: Ohohoho??? Like what??? Pants??

 

 

Mamacita: No you pervert, concealer. 

 

 

Muscles: Why tho??? You're pretty and flawless without it???

 

 

Mamacita: I mean, thanks. 

 

 

Mamacita: But I'm gonna give you great life advice: Don't ask a girl why she's putting on makeup or how long it's gonna take and your future relationships will be very happy.

 

 

Mamacita: I stayed up most of the night and my under circles look like i got half a black eye

 

 

Muscles: Point taken, shutting up

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If yall dont know who Epic Sax Guy is, look up Moldova's grand final entry 2010, "Run Away",,,, hes a legend
> 
>  
> 
> Also catch me steering this ship of Rein × Healer Dude because my bffs are terrible, crack shipping influences on me. 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Ta ta lovelies~ 
> 
> -Jane


	11. - its halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween special, these mofos want candy + remi just sometimes want to really kill isen.

 

 

 

Pens: OH MY SERAPHINA ALL MIGHTY WHTA THE FUCKS REMJ DHJSJHRBSJDHSBNDNDNSBRFVNSNWJSJBDJSBS

 

 

Pens: I'M

 

 

Pens: BFJAJDJJAASDFGJGKHLF

 

 

Remi: Nothing is wrong.

 

 

Remi: Isen is fine.

 

 

Blue berry: Remi !!

 

 

Remi: He's fine

 

  
Pens: NO IM NOT HEKSODHSJDBD

 

 

Pens: HELPNDJSJDBDJF

 

 

Pens: FUCK ME HELP

 

 

Blue berry: RIP

 

 

bro: Ya gotta be clear on that bro.

 

 

bro: Like do you want us to fuck you?? Or help you???

 

 

Blue berry: Oh my Seraphina, Blyke why are you like this??!!

 

 

bro: Idk

 

  
Remi: Isen is currently out of commission, please try this number again never

 

 

Sera: remi, let isen go

 

 

Remi: No

 

 

Sera: remi

 

 

Remi: ....

 

 

Remi: Okay FINE

 

 

Pens: SERAPHINA IM LITERALLY SO RELIEVED AND GLAD I WILL LITERALLY BE THE PROUD FATHER TO YOUR CHILDRENS

 

 

Pens: I could also kiss you but being ur baby daddy expresses my gratitude better

 

 

John: wtf bitch, don't kiss Sera

 

 

Arlo: What's this? Is this.....

 

 

Arlo: JEALOUSY? I HEAR?

 

 

John: Stfu Jan

 

 

Arlo: Make me, Becky

 

 

John:

 

 

John: ...

 

 

John: ........

 

 

Remi: Touch sera with any inch of ur small dick and I'll do the world and female population a favor and cut it off myself

 

 

Remi: ;))

 

 

Remi: That's @ both you, Isen, and John

 

 

John: Wtf, I'll have you know I can literally squat Sera on my shoulders easily

 

 

  
Sera: it's true

 

 

John: Square up, Pikabitch

 

 

Remi: Did you just challenge me??

 

 

Remi: Because i rlly dont want to like, majorly freak you up

 

 

Remi: cause then you'll have like. A freak ton of assignments to catch up on while ur in the hospital 

 

 

John: Bring it, pika-bitch

 

 

Remi: Unfortunately I have something to do for the rest of Samhain and I can't accept that

 

 

Remi: ('･ᴗ･') Sorry!!!

 

 

bro: Can we just...

 

 

bro: Appreciate??

 

 

bro: The fact that Remi apologized and said her concerns about having a fight with someone??

 

 

bro: Like, pureness decided to be sexy and then Remi happened

 

 

Pens: ASDFGHJKLASJFKSKD, THATS WHAT I FORGOT TO TELL YOU GUYS

 

 

Pens: SHES NOT PURE

 

 

Pens: RMEMEBER WHEN REMI FRIED THE SHIT OUT IF ME LIKE A COUPLE MINS EARLIER AND I WAS SPAMMING WORD JUMBLES??

 

 

Blue berry: Unfortunately ://

 

 

Remi: Susan don't you dare-

 

 

Pens: REMI WHAT WERE ALL THOSE TAROT CARDS AND CANDLES AND SYMBOLS SCRIBBLED ACROSS YOUR WALL MEAN??

 

 

Pens: BECAUSE LAST I CHECKED, PURE PEOPLE DONT WRITE SATANIC SCRIPTURE OK THEIR WALLS

 

 

bro: What the fucj

 

 

bro: I am confusion, REMI EXPLAIN

 

 

Remi: First of all, Satanists are not believers in Satan, at least the majority of them.

 

Remi:Those are called Luciferians

 

 

Blue berry: Good to know

 

 

 

Remi: And!!! I'm celebrating Samhain aka Halloween the traditional way by seeing preforming a shadow summoning wont mess w me

 

 

Remi: Although Shadow summoning rituals are actually not that complicated

 

 

Arlo: Well, you learn something new every day.

 

 

Arlo: Honestly Remi I worry about you too much.

 

 

Remi: You care about me that much??!

 

 

Remi: MY HEART IS WARM. TY ARLO

 

 

Arlo: Wait no-

 

 

Arlo: That's not what I meant-

 

 

Pens: TOO LATE, JOIN US IN THE REMI PROTECTION CLUB

 

 

Sera: ohshit there's a club ??

 

 

Pens: HECK YEEAH

 

 

Sera: is " _yeeah_ " yee and yeah like smushed together

 

 

bro: Yee

 

 

bro; But yeah, the Remi Protection Club™ is self-explanatory and even though Remi's a badass who could probably kick all our asses minus Seraphina

 

 

Sera: tbh i'd kick my own ass before id have to fight against remi

 

 

Remi: Ahsusjdjhajdhakndjsjd!!

 

 

Remi: YOU GUYS 💖💖💘❤️

 

 

Remi: IM BLUSHING

 

 

Pens: 💓💖💘💞💕💖

 

 

bro: ❤️💖💖❤️💖💖❤️💖

 

 

Sera: ❤️💚❤️❤️❤️💚💓💖💕

 

 

Blue berry: 💓💓💖💗💕

 

 

Arlo: ....

 

 

Arlo: 💛

 

 

 

\--

 

 

_[ 4:37PM]_

 

 

 

 

John: Sorry to spoil the heart spam,

 

 

John: But the person you'd literally fight urself for is a pagan who is a walking electrical cord

 

 

Arlo: Stfu Becky

 

 

Remi: I prefer the term "superstitious" thank you very much

 

 

John: You scribbled _occult symbols_ on your wall

 

 

Remi: Those are protection spells. You can never be too careful

 

 

John: Yeah I guess that's fair

 

 

John: But the fucks a " _Shadowing summoning ritual"_

 

 

John: That does not sound friendly for my Christian Minecraft Server

 

 

Remi: I'm summoning my shadow as a protector and spiritual guide, duh

 

 

Remi: Get with the program

 

 

John: Honestly I don't see how you're the token Pure One™ but let's just go get some candy, you guys

 

 

Pens: I'm setting up the Halloween Bash's decorations w/blyke

 

 

Arlo: I have the car.

 

 

Sera: im helping remi w her ritual, sorry

 

 

Blue berry: I'm making ramen for all of us in the kitchenette, sorry

 

 

John: ...

 

 

John: I'm sick

 

 

John: _cough cough_

 

 

Sera: Boo, you whore

 

 

Sera: suck it up, and get in the fucking car with arlo and get me my jaw breakers. or i'll break **your** jaw

 

 

John: Kk

 

 

John: So what store we hitting up Jan??

 

 

Arlo: Lmao, whipped.

 

 

Blue berry: Hey pick up a ton of chocolate and like... that'd be rad

 

 

Arlo: Got it.

 

 

bro: Isen said if you got Dip Sticks or any Wonka candy, he'd father ur children too.

 

Arlo: Declined but yeah, cripple you jotting this shit down?

 

 

John: Fuck u

 

 

Sera: john means yes. 

 

 

John: Fuck you, but i say it scared 

 

 

Sera: <3

 

 

bro: I'm going with whatever as long as it ain't black licorice. But make sure to grab something that has Nerds in it k?

 

 

Remi: Lollipops !!

 

 

Remi: And also smarties would be great

 

 

John: Wow well, okay

 

 

John: We got the list,

 

 

Arlo: See y'all in a bit, hopefully

 

 

Sera: dw, i've been planning john's funeral ever since we became bffs so if you kill him it'd be short work

 

 

Arlo: K

 

 

John: I'd be offended, but it warms my dark heart that Sera cares enough to already have my funeral plans made 🖤🖤🖤

 

 

Sera: well duh, 💜

 

 

Sera: unfortunately i don't have anything planned for arlo so sorry buddy ol' pal

 

 

Arlo: Nah. That's fair.

 

 

Blue berry: Kay let's actually do some things productive. Go get my candy, stinkies 

 

 

John: Fuck you bitch I do what I want. 

 

 

Arlo: I'm leaving in negative 6 seconds. 

 

 

John: Fuck you, blondie Im just riding w you so i dont get my jaw busted in. 

 

 

Sera: keep telling urself that

 

 

 

John: Hey this isnt the Bully John Club 

 

 

Blue berry: It isnt? 

 

 

Sera: isnt it tho? 

 

Arlo: Isnt it, though?

 

 

Pens: ^rt

 

 

bro: ^^

 

 

John: _All around me are familiar faces, worn out faces, worn out places._

 

 

 

Sera: stop being emo and get me my candy

 

 

 John: K

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is technically published out of order. On wattpad its the 29th chapter. But since theres no canon context correlating, i decided to publish it today on our holy candy day. 
> 
>  
> 
> +
> 
> im planning on also publishing my one shot book over here so i guess my update schedule should be more frequent bc im stressed via swamped with school work, and when im stressed i publish. 
> 
>  
> 
> Also sorry for not replying to yall's comments from March!! I wasnt rlly active in my publishing for a while, but yall's comments make my day!! I wish i could come up with witty replies for each one. 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Ta ta lovelies~  
> -Jane


	12. - "cracked my face mask"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honestly this is a fucking mess, i cant even try to summarize. Enjoy this crack.

 

 

 

 

Pens: Okay so like I don't know if you guys have noticed this as well,,,

 

 

Pens: But whenever girls are like, looking for stuff or reading something good, why do they always grab their boob(s)????

 

 

bro: hmmmmMMMMM

 

 

Pens: hhhhhMMMMMMMMM

 

 

John: Yeah why's that @ Sera???

 

 

Blue berry: I-

 

 

Blue berry: Yeah I have no answer for that

 

 

Blue berry: But I know exactly what you're talking about

 

 

Remi: ^^^

 

 

Sera: ^^^^

 

 

Sera: it also happens when i see something so cute that i wanna punch it in it's face

 

 

Sera: but instead i clutch my chest and incidentally my uh _things_ that are there

 

 

Remi: !!! I do that too!!!

 

 

Pens: I can confirm that remi does that

 

 

bro: Me too

 

 

Blue berry: Are you perverts of smth

 

 

Pens: i-

 

 

bro: wh

 

 

Pens: Are you asking testosterone-hormonal teenage boys if they're perverts???

 

 

Blue berry: Oop-

 

 

Blue berry: My bad

 

 

Arlo: I actually respect women you twinks

 

 

bro: 

 

 

Pens:

 

 

Sera: a r e y o u s u r e a b o u t t h a t

 

 

bro: ALEFSID

 

 

bro: EVEN SERAPHINA MEMED AESEWIVF

 

 

Pens: Blyke, that was the most hetero key smashes I ever seen

 

 

Pens: Make it gayer

 

 

bro: okay, lemme think abt you for a bit

 

 

bro: ASELHDDJRKALRJRKSLUEKESLA

 

 

Pens: Beautiful

 

 

Remi: I-

 

 

Remi: I'm best friends with these idiots

 

 

Remi: Why

 

 

Blue berry: I ask that everyday

 

 

Arlo: Same

 

 

Pens: Because you love us~

 

 

Remi: Love is a strong word

 

 

Remi: And also, not as much as you two love each other

 

 

bro: I mean,

 

 

bro: You got a point there.

 

 

Pens: In a completely no homo way

 

 

bro: totally no homo

 

 

Arlo: I-

 

 

Arlo: Why indeed

 

 

Remi: Kay gotta go scream in my pillow brb

 

 

 

 

 

 

\--

 

 

 

 

_[ 5:21PM]_

 

 

 

 

Blue berry: ESWATGSKAHSGSAHS

 

 

Blue berry: yaLL IM SHOOK

 

 

Blue berry: SHOOKETH 

 

 

Blue berry: _SHOOKEN_

 

 

Blue berry: SKSJJSSKKSJSKS, SERAPHINA WHAT R U DOING

 

 

Sera: it's not what it looks like, i swear-

 

 

John: I saw Sera's name and now you have my complete, undivided attention

 

 

Remi: ^^

 

 

Sera: don't you fucking tell them, elaine, or i swear on my sister i will end you,

 

 

Blue berry: SO I HAVE A FACE MASK ON, EVEN THOUGH THAT DOESNT REALLY MATTER

 

 

Sera: Elaine,,,

 

 

Blue berry: I WENT INTO THE LIVING ROOM OF OUR DORM AND THERES SERAPHINA ON THE COUCH APPLYING CONCEALER TO HICKEYS ON HER LEGS AND THIGHS.

 

 

Blue berry: IM ATSHAJSHSJSJJSKA

 

 

Blue berry: mY FACE MASK HAS CRACKED AND ITS NOT EVEN FULLY DRIED YeT HAJSJWKJDJASKJD

 

 

Sera: don't think you can fucking run away you blue berry fucker-

 

 

John: SERA HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON ME LIKE THIS???

 

 

bro: Oh worm?? Is that some spicy drama I hear???

 

 

Pens: mmmhmmMMMMM

 

 

Arlo: The same way she two-timed me for you

 

 

Remi:

 

 

Remi:

 

 

Remi: I hate to break it to you two

 

 

Remi: But Seraphina's my bby

 

 

Remi: and if either of you try to make a move on her I will zap you, your phone, your outlets, AND your hearts until they don't work anymore

 

 

Remi: (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

 

 

John: Whomst the fuck do you think you are to challenge me???

 

 

Remi: Bi-

 

 

Remi: A girl who puts the cute in electrocute

 

 

Remi: Who will also fry you

 

 

bro: I can confirm this

 

 

Pens: ^^

 

 

Blue berry: ^^^

 

 

Remi: And I'm thicc

 

 

John: well. 

 

 

John: You have some good points

 

 

John: But I also got some t h i cc biceps that could probably lift you up with one arm.

 

 

Remi: I have boobs

 

 

Remi: Theyre big too

 

 

John: 

 

John: 

 

 

John: Fuck, now I have nothing to counter that. 

 

John: Fuck you 

 

 

Remi: No thanks. Pass.

 

 

Pens: TBH, Id probably pay John to crush my head between his legs because s h i t

 

 

Blue berry: im crying bye

 

 

Remi:

 

 

Arlo: ew

 

 

Sera: ,,,,

 

 

John: i....

 

 

bro: I never wanted to jump off a cliff screaming until now

 

 

bro: bro

 

 

Pens: HOLY SHIT IT SENT

 

 

Pens: ABORT MISSION

 

 

Pens: ABORT MISSION

 

 

Pens: FUCK CODE RED

 

 

bro: ITSTOOLATENOWBABE

 

 

Pens: hhhhhh

 

 

Pens : :'(

 

 

Pens: Bby no come back :( 

 

 

bro: no

 

 

Pens: Actually Im curious as too why Seraphina had hickeys

 

 

Sera: don't you fucking spin this on me to distract them from your failing bromance you crack head-

 

 

Remi: )))):

 

 

Remi: Serrrraaaa!! How could you cheat on me :'(((

 

 

bro: holy-

 

 

Sera: ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINK REMI

 

 

Remi: :"( 

 

 

Sera: THEYRE NOT EVEN HICKEYS

 

 

bro: Remi used: sad face emoticons on Sera! This attack is very effective!

 

 

Sera: stfu blyke. you couldn't even keep your mans to urself and your sad weak biceps

 

 

bro: i-

 

 

bro: Im very fucking offended

 

 

bro: I am only barely holding myself back from insulting u just so u kno

 

 

Sera: if you're so offended it's obviously true then

 

 

Pens: Step the fuck back, hoe ass thot

 

 

Pens: No one insults my bitch but me

 

 

Pens: And he bench presses me every week so he ain't got no weak biceps, bitch

 

 

Sera: bitch

 

 

Sera: i-

 

 

Sera: I retract my previous statement. No one's more homo then these two

 

 

Arlo: Sera stop the inevitable, why do you have hickeys, on your legs of all places???

 

 

Sera: AHSKAKDJAKDJJD. THEYRE NOT HICKEYS

 

 

Remi: THEN WHAT ARE THEY

 

 

Sera: ITS A LONG STORY

 

 

Blue berry: WE'VE GOT TIME

 

Sera: FUCK

 

 

Sera: FINE

 

 

Sera: so i like to go an volunteer at the local humane society and they place me in shelters or to help trainers with a new puppy and sometimes the doggos get feisty and bite me, it's usually very mild so I don't rewind them but they tend to bruise up a bit so i cover them up to avoid ppl thinking im some kinky bitch

 

 

 

Arlo: Aw, my cold black heart just tried beating

 

 

Sera: big mood

 

 

Sera: But you're valid

 

 

bro: *calid

 

 

Sera: i can't even bring myself to be angry anymore so just don't overuse it

 

 

bro: I'm crying manly tears, thank u Seraphina, you goddess

 

 

Remi: My heart is melting, this is gold

 

 

Arlo: Shit, now it's actively trying to palpitate again

 

 

Sera: now that's a big mood

 

 

 John: Yall got issue. Go see a therapist 

 

 

Sera: stfu john u probably have reccomendations for like every therapist in new bostin

 

 

John: fuck u, but softly 

 

 

 

Sera: sorry i already have a big boyo who has my heart 

 

 

John: Oh wow so youre cheating on all of us with this big boyo? 

 

 

Sera: his name is jerry 

 

 

John: if u listen carefully u can hear my heart breaking 

 

 

Sera: he a begale. his ears are floppy and i love him more than any of u

 

 

 

John: ok i dont mind being 2nd to a dog as long as im higher than blondie mcfuckerface on ur list

 

 

Sera: oh yeah definitely 

 

 

Arlo: I'd be offended but dogs are cute. 

 

 

John: oh wow u have a heart? 

 

 

Arlo: I will implode you. 

 

 

John: I look forward to it. 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel offended as not only an american but also as a floridian that the weather has decided to become winter. It literally was 85 last week wth
> 
>  
> 
> Yall save me. Every kudos, comment, and support is another stick in my fireplace. 
> 
> Pls help. Im cold.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Ta ta lovelies~ 
> 
> -Jane


End file.
